Lessons Learn....ing?

     I think I've spent most of my life in a little fairy tale bubble.  When you're a little girl, you grow up believing in unicorns, fairies, and happy Disney endings.  Then you get older, make stupid mistakes, and end up in a place you didn't even know existed...if you're not careful.  

So that was my life for the first, oh, 27 years?  Now I appear to be going through an identity crisis, but it's not a negative thing, which I find odd.  Lately I have had to accept that things in my life are not now, or going to be, how I want them.  Does my little girl heart still want that picket fence, 2 dog, lots of kids Disney ending?  Sure it does!  But recently I have come to a place where I am ok if that never happens.  I know my lesson to learn is love, and I'm REALLY excited that I finally figured it out!

I'm not sure when this happened, or why it happened.  I am suddenly in a place of inner peace, and I have no idea what led me there.  Not only am I unsure of where my life is headed, how to be a good mom, where we are supposed to live, etc......but I am in the midst of a spiritual identity crisis too.  I don't know why I believe what I believe except that it is a habit picked up in childhood.   Add that search to the rest of my crazy life and you get....chaos!

Anyway, I think the point of all this rambling is that my life is in complete chaos, but I'm ok with that.  Sometimes it's necessary to uproot everything you know and are comfortable with so you can make room for the new and exciting.  I'm tired of the rut I'm in and I'm ready to learn about myself, make changes where I should, and accept my path.  Most of all, I'm learning to accept love for what it is, not what media would lead us to believe it is.  Is real love that perfect Disney story?  Nope.  In fact, most emphatically not.  It starts with loving yourself, with all your faults, and carries over to those around you, and that one perfectly imperfect person.  Love is not blind, it's eyes wide open, all seeing, and completely accepting.  I was doing it all backwards, but I'm ready to start again....with me.  If I love me, I have an endless supply to give away, and that can only be a good thing right?  :)

So there it is, my first random ramble of a blog.  Hopefully it makes a bit of sense, but even if it doesn't....that's ok!   It will be interesting to see where it goes from here, already ideas are brewing.....