Out With The Old..

My life is pretty much on the crazy train track right now.  It's a new year, new semester, I've been called in for jury duty that looks to be a 3 week case AND I'm standing on the edge of an adventure.

That's right....lil ol' me is going on an ADVENTURE!!

It's time we get out of this tiny apartment, and time I move on in my career.  So, I've decided to do both at the same time.  I don't know whether to be ecstatic or scared silly.  I think I'm a bit of both.  This is completely new...exciting, frightening...different from everything I've ever known.  I'm a fan of the known, I like to surround myself in the snuggly sameness of it every day, while wishing things were different and adventurous.  Confusing?  Yes, but I am a Cancer woman and entitled to be crazy.

Mmhmm.  *nods*

Anyhoo...my life has turned into cleaning, packing, changing, and just generally freaking out in addition to all my regular daily activities.  I know that this change will be an amazing one for us, I think it will finally bring us up to where we need to be to not just survive, but thrive.  I'm so ready to see us thrive, to stop this...existing...and really live.

Plus...we get fireflies!!!   YAY!

Get Up Again

Ok I think everyone knows that I have a HUGE heart for those with disabilities.  I love being able to make a difference in the life of even one person, whether it is helping them with activities of daily living, or helping someone with a mental disability integrate into their community.  I love this little world, and I am so grateful to be a part of it.  Helping someone with a physical handicap is very rewarding, knowing that another human being trusts you to take care of them and help them keep their life going.  Helping someone with a mental handicap is just as rewarding, sometimes frustrating, always worthwhile.  The developmentally disabled population is one of the most open, happy, unprejudiced communities I have ever been privileged to know.  These people are looked down on or pitied by society, when really they are the lucky ones so much of the time.  Many of them are so happy and innocent and such a joy to be around.

Today's good news is dedicated to anyone with a disability, and all the able minded and bodied who are lucky enough to be a part of their lives.

I mean, seriously....this guy SWIMS!!  If I saw him jump off the side of the pool like that I would be like "OMG!!!!!   SAVE HIM NOW!!!!!"  *dive*

There is no rule book that says you can't live a happy and fulfilling life with a disability.  It makes me think of one of my favorite songs by Flaw:

Reach out your hands
Out for the ones who, aid when the going gets rough
Until the end. 
These are the ones who, help when the times get tough
And times will get tough. 
Get up again.
Times will get tough. 
Get up again...

Nothing is Impossible

My good news post today is about overcoming obstacles.  Please watch:

This video touches me so deeply, this man trained his body every day, looking forward to a goal that probably was the only thing he could see.  We may think being in the olympic games is a fruitless goal, but he must have truly believed in that goal, and forced his body to reach it.  I think the most heart wrenching part  is the look on his face as his Dad walks with him, the physical pain and the despair at the loss of his dream.

But...

He perseveres.  He crosses the finish line, not running, but limping.  He lost his dream but he found a new one because he didn't give up.  I can't imagine the horrible pain each step brought him.  That makes me reevaluate my life, all the "small things" that I complain about, and how I ignore my potential every single day.  I want to be that kind of person, the kind who doesn't quit, even in the face of overwhelming odds.  I want to be that kind of parent, the kind who will push through crowds and Security to get to my child in need, the kind who yells at others to back off so my child can succeed.  Obstacles are just that, obstacles.  They are not walls that can't be climbed, tunneled under or gone around.  They can be moved or you can move yourself to overcome them.

Demon

I can't sleep.
So I lay here in the dark
with our stars
and think of you.
The way you look
the way you feel
how you taste.
The steady rise and fall
of your breath
as you lay next to me
in the quiet.
How you hold me
when I cry
and tell me
everything's gonna be alright.
The way we fight
and how I know
that no matter what
you will be there
on the other side.
If I could erase
anything that causes you pain
I would.
If I could give you everything beautiful
I would.
Love, as a word,
is insufficient.
You are

All

Look Around You..

My first good news post is about the beauty of nature.  I think when we live in cities we forget that the entire world is not that little, crazy, non-stop bubble that is the city.  When we don't have the chance to get out and really breathe deeply of the beauty of the earth, we get closed off and mean.  Maybe criminals would be less likely to commit crime if they were required to take a hike in the mountains every day!

lol...maybe not, but it's worth a try right?

All I know is, when I feel mean and old and hard from the city around me, I go to the mountains and unwind.  If you can't do that, here are some pictures to remind you of what is outside those city walls.

"Why is life beautiful instead of just functional?  I believe it's because God loves us and wants us to be happy."  ~Lacey Mosley

Check out this link:

The Beauty Of Nature

Life Is Beautiful

So....

As I sit here, looking through messages, notifications, new posts, new blogs.....sipping on my Starbucks extra bold....conversations from yesterday are running through my head.  2010 seems to have been a terrible year for everyone, especially for those closest to me.  I don't think I know anyone who isn't extremely happy to see the end of 2010, including myself.  Terrible things have happened, people have been lost, lives have been turned upside down...perhaps beyond recovery...and it feels to me as if there is a blanket of grief and anger covering everything and everyone I see.  I feel the hardness and uncaring attitude seep into my bones when I step out for that Monday morning commute every week.  The news tells me of every inhuman act committed during the night, people drive like morons and blame me for it, drama unfolds at work, and for the last two weeks on the job I've had to wipe green snot.

Gross.   >.<

Frankly, I'm sick of it all.   I truly believe there is good left out there, I've been the recipient of it, I try to give it back.  I think the media has us so willing to believe that there is nothing left of our humanity that we jump headfirst into things like road rage, screaming matches, and just generally treating people like crap.  Why?  Because of fear.  We fear that the person next to us in line is waiting to rob the store, that when we want to take a stroll through the city there is a rapist lying in wait around every corner...and on, and on, and on......

So I have set myself a new project, mostly for me...to remind me of how lucky I am to live in such a beautiful world...and hopefully for you too. I'm going to post something amazing that I found, and I will try to do it every day.  Because we DO live in a beautiful world, it's all around us.  People help each other all the time, but that doesn't make the news.  Everyone needs reminders of the beauty around them sometimes, probably me more than most!

We are all One....

GRRRRRR!!!

Ok I admit it, I'm an angry person.  I'm angry at life, at my parents who threw me out like dirty cat litter, at the way they cut me off from the rest of my family, at my ex husband, at his family, at my children because they don't get it, at myself for being angry....I think I'm angry at everything!

I keep trying to bury the anger under all the reasons why I shouldn't be angry, but it's not working.  I think it's growing....like some rabid, self consuming monster eating everything in it's path.  I try to pray, to meditate, to distract myself, I try to count my many blessings, but none of it is working.  All because underneath all the good is this base of mean, violent anger.  How is it possible to see all the beautiful life under an oil slick??

This can't be right.

I don't know what to do about it, so I'm going to keep trying new things until something works.  I'm going to put it here on virtual paper, I'm going to tell you when you hurt me or piss me off, and I'm not going to take it out on myself or my children anymore.  Most of all, I am going to mold myself into the person I should be, the one who does everything she is supposed to.  What I'm  NOT going to do is keep burying layer after layer of pain and anger so that it can just eat away until there is nothing left.  I'm going to start taking care of my body and mind, just for me, not anyone else.  I'm going to do things that make me respect me, and if other people don't it won't matter.  I'm going to take my disappointments in life, in other people, in myself, and deal with them instead of internalizing them.

I'm ready to be happy.